"THE GIVING AND RECEIVING OF GIFTS"
ETIQUETTE:
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
By Fannie L. Allen In this month's column we will respond to a few of the questions
received. Q. How does one respond to personal gifts received during the
holiday season? A. A "thank you"--words of gratitude--is well
received at any time. An important part of displaying good manners is to send
an expression of appreciation when a gift is received. A hand written expression
is always appropriate. In drafting a note it is preferable to acknowledge the
gift item by name and how it was or will be used. Avoid repeating the words "thank
you" in the note. One would hope that all gifts received were appropriate
to our personal wants, needs and desires. Many times we receive gifts that do
not fit our personality or personal circumstances. No, don't send the gift back.
Those gifts should be graciously received. If a specific gift tops the chart in
your estimation your note should express your joy and excitement. No, it
is not too late to send that Thank You note for that gift you received during
the holiday season. Please include some New Year wishes. Q. I received
a surprise Christmas gift from neighbors who are Arab and of the Muslim faith.
They personally delivered the gift. The neighbors were invited in and we chatted
over tea. We talked about celebrating the holiday season. I learned that they
do not celebrate Christmas. They celebrate Ramadan. How should I show my appreciation? A.
What gracious and kind neighbors you have. You were wise to offer tea as you should
never offer alcohol to a person of Muslim religion. (Also, the consumption of
pork is forbidden). Additionally, to give a gift in exchange for a gift would
not be appropriate. "May I recommend that you pull out your personal stationery
and pen a well thought out and considerate thank you note?" As I have shared
with our readers in a previous article, how we communicate influences our relationships.
I am sure there will be an occasion that will enable you to reciprocate with a
gift in the future. It appears that your neighbors are very comfortable in acknowledging
our customs. For the information of some of our other readers, the holy month
of Ramadan occurred in late fall in 2001. The dates vary from year to year because
our calendar differs from the Muslim calendar. During this month-long celebration
there is fasting and prayers from sunrise to sunset. Religious customs and
traditions of other cultures are to be respected. For example, those of Muslim
faith stop for prayers several times during the day. Did you know that Muslim
countries observe Friday as their Sabbath? Q. I received a beautiful
invitation to an anniversary dinner party during the holidays. Verbally, the couple
requested no gifts. I would like to present a gift. Is it appropriate? A.
When the hosts, in this case the couple, invite you to the celebration, they consider
your presence at the celebration to be their gift. It is an occasion they want
to share with family and close friends. You may take a gift to the dinner party;
but do not expect gifts to be unwrapped during the celebration. Or, you may consider
doing something special for the couple after the scheduled celebration. You should
expect to receive written acknowledgement in the mail. To our column readers,
remember, words of appreciation are always welcome. On behalf of the staff of
the Allen Etiquette Institute, we thank you for the many visits you make to the
Blacksocietypages.com web site. We welcome your continued visits and questions.
Happy New Year!
Fannie L. Allen is Director of the Allen Etiquette
Institute, 2009 North 14th Street, Suite 706, Arlington, Virginia 22201. Her telephone
number is: 703-566-3270. She lectures throughout the country on Etiquette and
Protocol. Ms. Allen welcomes etiquette questions and comments. While she
cannot respond to each and every one, your question and a response may appear
on this web site: www.blacksocietypages.com.
You may E-mail Ms. Allen at: faassoc@erols.com
or visit her web site: www.allenetiquette.com.
Copyright ©2002 Allen Etiquette Institute
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